What names have you been called? I have been thinking about the names I’ve been called throughout my life and how they have affected me. Some bothered me briefly, others have stuck with me a long time.
The first time I remember being teased with name-calling was when I first got my glasses in the third grade. I was thrilled to be able to see, but worried my classmates would call me “four-eyes.” They did, especially the boy who chased me across the playground every recess and who later gave me my first Valentine’s gift. I went through a time when I was embarrassed to be seen in my glasses and would walk around blind if I couldn’t wear my contacts. Obviously, I’m over that now. - I was a good student who liked school. That earned me names like “nerd,” “geek,” “goody-two-shoes,” and “square.” Those names didn’t bother me too much then or now. I didn’t even take the teasing to through me out a second story window too seriously when I scored well on a test everyone else bombed.
- On the other hand, I was not confident through middle school. I spent most of my time lost in whatever book I was currently reading. I walked down the halls with my eyes staring straight at my feet because I was afraid to even say hello to the other students. Even though it was sometimes awkward, those feelings didn’t define all of me. I had safe places to be myself–my Girl Scout troop and church youth group. During the same years I hid at school, I was teaching adults to tie knots, lay a campfire, and pitch a tent.
- I first felt the potentially devastating impact of name-calling at Governor’s School (a six-week camp/school for extra-smart high school students in NC). My new best friend and I had been hanging out with a couple of guys we met. We enjoyed laughing and joking together until one day they gave us the complete cold shoulder. To say the least, my friend and I were confused. We confronted the guys to ask why the sudden change. They turned all shades of red before they admitted that another girl had told them to stay away from us because we were total sluts. How would you react?
- I think my reaction surprised them–and maybe me, too. I burst out laughing. Remember from the point above that I was considered a complete goody-two-shoes. (I was the one fellow band members asked to sneak alcohol in my suitcase because my bags would never be searched. No, I never took them up on it. I liked my reputation.) I found the whole idea of the slut rumor riduculous because it was so far from who I was. My laughter was probably the best response. Because I didn’t take it seriously, neither did the guys. We soon resumed our friendship and the rumor died right there.
Name-calling happens. How do you deal with it? What advice would you share with someone who is suffering from the names people label them with?
Photo “8 marzo” from http://www.flickr.com/photos/43129737@N00/2320986818 Used with a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.
I’m reading Bullyville by Francine Prose aloud to my homeroom right now. During the worst year of his life, Bart must deal with his grief for his father, killed in the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers on 9-11. He also has to deal with being bullied at his new school, Baileywell Prep. At one point in the story, Bart compares the motives of his own personal bully with those of the terrorists who took his dad’s life. They are certainly different in terms of the scale of damage they cause, but do you agree with Bart that they are the same at heart?
Thinking about Bart’s connection reminded me of a poem a wrote a couple of years ago. One day I pulled up behind a truck and read this bumpe sticker on the back: Kill them all, Let Allah sort them out. I I was quite disturbed by the hate expressed and wrote this poem in response:
Hate Brings
Hate brings them together
and drives the world apart.
A terrorist blows himself to bits,
hoping to die in glory
while killing all the infidels.
It doesn’t matter who
the infidel is—
mother, father, sister, brother—
all must die
when hate brings you together
and drives the world apart.
Across the world
a bumper sticker calls for revenge—
Kill them all—Let Allah sort them out.
No, don’t kill them all
lest you not see that hate
has made you blind
to the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers
hate has left behind.
No, don’t kill them all
because hate brings you together
and drives the world apart.
If you have written something (or want to write something) that expresses your thoughts about bullying, check out the contest at the No Name Calling Week website. The deadline is not until February 28. Check out the rules for middle school and download the entry form. As always, I will be your editor.
What would you do?
You’ve seen the site for No Name Calling Week. You’ve browsed some books that deal with bullying. Now it’s time to take a stand. What would you do if you walked up on this group of students? What would you say? Would you remain a not-so-innocent bystander, or will you become an ally?
In six–and only six–words (remember the six word memoirs?) describe your response to this scene. Enter your response in the form below. Click here to see how others have responded.
Original image: They’re warm now
(http://www.flickr.com/photos/64937321@N00/200168929)
Released under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 Generic License.
James Howe’s The Misfits may have started No Name Calling Week, but it is not the only book to deal with bullying and name calling. The right book can reassure you that you are not alone, inspire hope for your future, and give you insight into people who are different from you. Check out what these stories have to say about bullying or name calling.
- Blubber by Judy Blume. Jill joins her classmates in teasing Linda, an overweight classmate. Blume gives an honest look at bullying with no easy answers, just like real life.
- The Outsiders by SE Hinton. This oldie still rings true today. Johnny and Pony boy must flee after simmering violence between two gangs, the Greaser and the Socs, flares up out of control.
- Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. Hannah Baker committed suicide and left a series of tapes for thirteen people to listen to. In the tapes she explains how each person’s actions contributed to her death. The reader listens along with Clay Jensen, one of the thirteen.
- Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. Melinda suffers a year of isolation and name calling after calling the cops at an end of summer party. Will she find her voice to speak out about what really happened?
- The Hate List by Jennifer Brown. Valerie and Nick kept a list of all the bullies that tormendted them in a notebook they called the Hate List. Little did Valerie know that Nick would use the list to target people in a shooting spree that left six students and a teacher dead. I haven’t read this one yet, but have heard good things about it.
- Bullyville by Francine Prose. During the worst year of his life, Bart Rangley must deal with the death of his father in the 9-11 terrorist attacks and his own personal bully at his new school, Baileywell Prep. I’m reading this one to my homeroom right now. Ask them about it.
- Confessions from the Principal’s Chair by by Anna Myers. In this very funny book, Robin finds herself principal of her new school–at least until the real principal shows up. Her mother yanked her out of her old school after she and her friends bullied another girl. Now she must confront the bullies of the girl in her office.
- The Shadow Club by Neal Shusterman. Jared and Cheryl are tired of suffering the taunts of being second best. The form a club to pull pranks on those who best them, but the pranks soon spiral out of control.
- The Executioner’s Daughter by Laura E. Williams. Way back in 1050 England, Lily suffered the taunts of the village children because of her father’s job–executioner. Will Lily find the strength to become her father’s assistant or to make a new life for herself somewhere else?
Other books can give you deeper insight into people who are frequently bullied and teased. What is it like to go through life homeless or autistic? Read these books and get a glimpse of the world through someone else’s eyes.
- Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. A wealthy art dealer joins with a homeless drifter and neither life will ever be the same.
- Mockingbird by Katherine Erskine. Caitlin struggles to understand the world after her big brother’s death in a school shooting. She had always depended on Devon to interpret the world for her since Asperger’s gives her a view different from everyone else. This is one I want to read.
- Marcello in the Real World by Francisco X. Stork. This is another one I want to read because I’ve heard so many good things. Marcello has always gone to a special school because of his developmental disability (which even the doctors don’t understand). The summer he is seventeen he works in the mail room of his father’s law firm in order the experience the real world.
- Does My Head Look Big in This by Randa Abdel-Fattah. Amal decides to wear the hijab (head scarf) full time as an expression of her Muslim faith. Her family and friends have very different reactions to her decision as she tries to find her way as an Australian-Palestinian-Muslim.
Which of these books have you read? What titles would you recommend that deal with bullying?
Did you know that a book started a national movement? It did indeed. The Misfits by James Howe (remember Bunnicula, anyone?) inspired the first No Name Calling Week in 2004. This year, this is the week to join in. Take a stand against bullying where it starts.
How can you get involved?
- Download a customizable header for your blog. It’s free and legal. Check out mine up above.
- Enter a creative expression contest: Have you–or can you–write a poem or song or essay or draw a picture that expresses your experiences with name calling or shares your ideas on how to stop it. Be sure to post it on your blog, too.
- Be a fan on Facebook. Okay, don’t do this one at school, but if you are part of FB, share the news.
- Check out the student resources at the official website. Can you make the change from bystander to ally?
- See what some young adult authors have to say about bullying and name calling, including that author who started it all, James Howe, and my favorite, Laurie Halse Anderson.
Take a stand. Make the pledge. What will you do for National No Name Calling Week?
